no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
