we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
