Can i not drive my cunt home
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
As shirtless as possible
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
