Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
