Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
