i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
