Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
