Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
