so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She bit a glass in half.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
