girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
