Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
