I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
