I think im going to throw up on grandma
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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