He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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