Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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