I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
