there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
