I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
