I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
