You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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