There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I got inside last night via doggy door
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
