it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I need a burrito and a hug.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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