Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
