is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
40s are totally the cure
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
