his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
