everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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