I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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