Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Come see our sink grown plant.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
