I CAN MOONWALK!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
