So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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