Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
