Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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