I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
