i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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