Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
