Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
