Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
