I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
