i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
