on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
as a side note pls kill me
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
