I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
