I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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