Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
