dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I could make wine with my vomit
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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