Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Come see our sink grown plant.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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