life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
