i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
