Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
