She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
