i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His hands were made for my vagina.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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