i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
