the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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