I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
