I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
