So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
